The richest and most fertile soil for growth is the encounter between what we know how to do and what we don’t know how to do.

If we look at this statement through the lens of learning itself we will see that what he is really describing is the intersection between conscious competency (knowing what we know) and conscious incompetency (knowing what we don’t know).

Herein lies the conflict.

The bulk of learning occurs between these two stages and it’s also the most uncomfortable and the most unsettling.  As these two stages collide there is a natural tendency to attempt to gain control and thereby avoid the awkwardness of not knowing.

When we are faced with our incompetence it can be embarrassing—no one likes to look like a buffoon.

I remember the first time my business mentor and coach, Michael Port, asked me to recite the overview of the entire Book Yourself Solid system in front of a group of my peers.  My heart started to race, my armpits started to sweat and everything went blank. I don’t think I could even recite my name let alone the marketing system. I wanted to run for the hills. I knew the material, but I had zero experience presenting it in front of a group.

There’s the intersection. I could have said, “I’m going to pass” or I could choose to accept the invitation to grow and practice despite my clumsiness. I accepted. It wasn’t perfect, but I grew—all because I said yes and I was willing to cross the threshold of not knowing.

The temptation to retreat from the discomfort or somehow delay the clumsy and awkward stage of learning in order to gain control will always be there. However, to lessen the discomfort and seek control will only delay or sabotage learning and growth itself.

The challenge then is to recognize the process of learning for what it is and embrace it! Embrace the sweaty armpits and the rapid heart rate. You will get through it.

When you move from resistance to acceptance you are able to bridle a sizeable momentum that will carry you forward. The by-product is growth. The reward is triumph!

To what extent are you resisting change for the sake of comfort?

             The sink is full of dishes; the kitchen is a mess,

Emails keep buzzing; the phone won’t take a rest,

The kids won’t behave and hubby is having a moody day

Sitting at my desk but feel the need to sway!

My desk is overloaded with nothing I need,

I’m trying to keep up with tasks at speed,

This one, that one, which one first,

I don’t even get time to quench my thirst,

There’s a knock at the door, who can that be?

Doesn’t working from home mean WORKING from home?

I don’t have time for a cup of tea,

Please let me be, please let me be

Overwhelm is an emotion, it comes in many forms,

Anger, frustration and causes a storm,

Don’t blame others for the missing link,

Completing the work will get you back in sync.

Give yourself care and allow your brain to rest,

Sometimes we forget we need to refresh,

Break it all down to smaller chunks,

Learn serenity as do the monks,

Let me give you a little tip, just sway to the right and walk out the door!

You like almost every entrepreneur, service professional and small business owner have a big vision for how you will uniquely impact and transform your clients and marketplace. Sweet.

You want, no, NEED to be fully self-expressed. You need to know that the very essence of who you are has made the difference in a way that nobody else can. Exciting, right?

But there’s a problem.

The quest for self-expression often inadvertently leads to self-absorption. This is not intentional, of course, but can be so insidious that without realizing it, your dream and vision can turn into a nightmare of frustration, paralysis and crushed confidence. This is not a fun place to be.

How does this happen?

1. By trying too hard to be unique and independent, you lose focus of what others need and become isolated instead.
2. By thinking that the only way to be truly self-expressed, you must create 100% original intellectual property (i.e, your own system for solving your client’s particular problems). This is not easy and requires lots of time. Time you usually don’t have when you should be attracting more clients instead.
3. The struggle to create awareness with limited time and increased frustration perpetuates a vicious cycle of disappointment and poor results.

Be self-expressed AND booked solid!

Ready to break the cycle and realize just how groovy it is to have all of the ideal clients you want while being 100% YOU?

The formula is simple but it’s definitely not easy. It requires your focused dedication. Your dreams are worth that, aren’t they?

1. Embrace and leverage the power of a network. I’m not referring to the cheesy networking concept of “card pushing.” Instead, as we teach in Book Yourself Solid, identify the top 20 influential people in your market and connect with them. See what you can do for them and you might be amazed at the results. Also make a point to connect a lot more with your peers, the people you know you can probably help and who might help you too.
2. Don’t try to reinvent the wheel. Study, tap into and connect with what’s already out there and working. It’s much easier to develop your own intellectual property when you have the revenue to pay your bills. Obviously, you don’t want to rip off someone else’s work. There are great options like certifications, licensing and franchising that allow you to use an existing, successful system.
3. Develop your unique perspective and one-of-a-kind systems while you are building your business and increasing your revenue using, proven, successful systems and strategies.

If you follow these steps you really can be fully self-expressed while avoiding the gloomy place called self-absorption.

Others who are doing it!

As the Director of Coach Development for The Book Yourself Solid School of Coach Training, I get to interact, coach and work with some of the most amazing people around…the Book Yourself Solid Coaches in Training.

I would like to introduce you to some of our newly certified coaches! Each is uniquely expressing themselves as they bring their life experience and individual swagger to their Book Yourself Solid coaching business.

Chantal Debrosse  Chantal is passionate about helping highly motivated small business owners who are on the brink of overwhelm to gain clarity in order to get more ideal clients, more money, and more time.

Ana Melikian  Ana is founder of AMAZE Coaching, she works with coaches and consultants who have great ideas and services, but are overwhelmed with online marketing and technology. She assists them to get unstuck from the technology quicksand so they can get more clients and increase their income.

Tracy Burrows Tracy is passionate about helping service professionals get more clients. Every successful business must start with a rock solid foundation and Tracy uses the Book Yourself Solid marketing system to help her clients achieve this.

Hope Bockus Hope wants to see massage therapists utilize their talent while teaching them to get more clients than they can even handle.

Shawn Dill Shawn helps strong, philosophical chiropractors find success so that they can touch more lives, educate the sick about true health care and serve our profession by proving that chiropractors CAN make a tremendous living without selling out the principle.

Francine Graglia Francine helps service professionals get more clients…even if they cringe at the thought of marketing and selling.

Andrei Jablokow  Andrei is passionate about helping service professionals get more clients. When you’re done working with Andrei not only will you have a sustainable and repeatable marketing system that works, you will also enjoy marketing and selling.

Jim McNerney Jim helps Wellness Coaches to transform their businesses to peak health and themselves to being fully self-expressed. He will help you avoid the years of struggle and wheel spinning that he went through and achieve your booked solid business vision.

Peter Watz Peter shares his dynamic +20 year sales career reflecting pioneering experience and great performance in the computer and Internet industries. He remains on the cutting-edge, driving new business through key accounts and establishing strategic partnerships and dealer relationships to increase channel revenue. Peter lives in Sweden.

Sarah Thompson Sarah helps people start successful small businesses by writing their business plans and by helping them get more customers by using the Book Yourself Solid System. She has over fifteen years of experience in financial modeling, corporate finance, operations and human resource management of small and medium sized businesses.

Jamie McKean Jamie is a business coach, business mentor and business consultant, not afraid to get stuck in to get great results for clients who want to change but don’t know where to start. Also a published author who’s appeared on TV, but most proud of his beautiful daughters and very patient wife.

Congratulations on all of your hard work! You are well prepared to do big things helping others transform their lives and businesses. 

For the rest of you, who do you serve and what do you help them do? When you know that, you can choose to be fully self-expressed in your desire to, as Michael says, “Stand in the service of others, as you stand in the service of your destiny.” Go for it and go big!

The Little-Known Secret of Big, Bold Personal Branding

You can’t buy it and you can’t download it. But it is one of the most crucial elements to building a successful brand.

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? That’s right—I’m talking about Confidence with a capital C.

Believing in your self isn’t just a cliché. It’s serious business.

Your results (or lack-thereof) are determined by what you believe to be your capacity for doing big things, as Michael would say.

I’ve struggled with self-confidence in my life. I tried to get the little voice in my head to tell me I could achieve my goals but all I could think of was , “What if the little voice in my head is an idiot?” As you might imagine, this had a big impact on my ability to actually achieve my goals. If that’s not a catch 22, I don’t know what is.

Waiting for Approval is Wasteful

My time was spent (and by spent I mean wasted) waiting for approval. I was putting my business on-hold while I waited for someone to show up and tell me my ideas were worthwhile.

I was afraid to put my message out there. I held myself back and as a result I was broke. Not just financially but also (and maybe more importantly) mentally.  Have you been there? Are you there now?

Until I kicked this little, insipid, senseless, seriously stupid voice to the curb, my business struggled.

Why is self-belief so important to your brand and business? It’s simple. If you have doubt, so will your customers.

Confidence is Contagious

Do you want to do business with someone that lacks confidence in themself and their services? That’s a rhetorical question, of course.

People can sense desperation and insecurities in a heart-beat. You have to be confident in what you do. You must honestly believe that you are the best option for your ideal client. As Michael says, you have to be able to declare, “The best thing for you would be me.” No one is going to respect your opinions if you can’t say that (or at least think it).

Is it hard to build your confidence? Sure, maybe sometimes. But this is YOUR LIFE we’re talking about? It is worth it to work on this? It’s imperative. To dodge doing so demonstrates a lack of integrity.

Moreover, if you have limiting beliefs and self doubt then you hold yourself back when it comes to promoting your products and services. Being timid isn’t going to put your brand atop of the food chain. When you lack confidence you lack the courage to try new and innovative ideas; ideas that can propel your business—and your life—forward.

People gravitate towards brands that stand for something. Someone they can get behind and support. Something they feel they are a part of. This is why you must have an unwavering belief in what you stand for and full confidence in how you express yourself. This is how you’ll make your name in the world.

Passion, like confidence, is contagious. When you express yourself in a passionate way people gravitate to you. Passion creates an emotional connection. Once people connect to your brand emotionally, you’ve got it made. This is why anything holding you back from delivering your message to the world should be eliminated immediately. There’s no room for self-doubt in business.

Cockiness vs. Confidence

Now, let me stress that there is a difference between confidence and cockiness. Confidence is sexy. Cockiness is a turn-off. Believing in the value you bring to the table is respectable whereas a foolish, hyperbolic grandiose sense of self is arrogant.

People are attracted to confidence. Believe in yourself and the value you bring to the table. If you don’t, then you’ll always play the game too small.

The world needs you to play big. You owe it to yourself and to those you can help.

Take a moment to leave a reply that helps others increase their confidence. Maybe you have a story about becoming more confident over the years? Or maybe you can share some of your fears and doubts along with your desire to strengthen your resolve and secure your sense of self?

If you could be a superhero, which one would you choose and why?

Now, it’s not an obligatory question, but up until now anybody who has been accepted into the Alliance has always answered with a well thought-out reply.

Guess who is the most popular superhero among entrepreneurs? 

It’s not Superman, although a few people have mentioned him. They like the flying, mainly, and the laser-vision, and the spandex, I guess.

Some of the woman have opted for Wonder Woman, but that’s indicative of a lack of female superhero role-models more than anything else.

Most entrepreneurs that join me in my year-long mastermind program choose one superhero above all others.

That superhero?

Batman.

Seriously. I crunched the numbers and the Caped Crusader came out on top. Hands down. No competition.

Here’s why:

• He has no special powers. (He does, however, have a cool outfit.)

• Instead of super powers, he makes use of his intellect, mental capacity, fearlessness and acute sense of social justice. He needs to create solutions to let him do his job to the best of his ability.

• But he knows he can’t do it alone, so he has a team he counts on for everything. They’ve got his back. They send him information and look after the stuff he’s too busy to deal with himself. (I.e. Commissioner James Gordon, Alfred, Robin, and a host of other superhero types including but not limited to, Batgirl, Elongated Man, The Huntress, and Ace the Bat-Hound.

• He develops and uses proprietary technology to enable him to do his job quickly and effectively. (Batmobile, Batsuit, etc.)

• And, finally, when he’s not out battling the bad-guys, he’s the uber-successful entrepreneur, Bruce Wayne, a man of many resources who spends large parts of his wealth and time on philanthropic missions.

How about that for the ideal entrepreneurial profile?

I’m meeting with my own personal superheroes in the bat-cave next week for one of our Alliance gatherings.

If you need a Commissioner Gordon, a Robin, an Alfred, and a Batgirl to cover your back, you’ve got it. Click here to join us.

So, tell me… who’s your favorite superhero and why? 

Promises are, to some extent, uncomfortable because you have to keep them. Sure, sometimes they can be and may need to be renegotiated. But, ultimately, when you promise and commit, someone is counting on you. Someone is, maybe many someones are, expecting you to deliver something.

People are counting on you.

When you say you’ll do something, then you will. You won’t just try to make good on your word, you will fulfill what you have undertaken. Possibly more. Too many people avoid making promises in the first place, fearing the accountability, preferring to hide under a cloak of diminished expectations. How often have you heard (or said) the words, “I can’t promise you that I’ll do it, but I’ll try.” Why would we want to live in the half-light, of such a soft engagement with others and the world?

Take your Pulse… Answer the following truthfully:

At present, when I am asked to or consider making commitments I feel…

Still, developing outstanding habits of commitment making and fulfilling doesn’t ensure breakdown won’t occur—it will. How do you handle it? Are you comfortable with the discomfort that comes along with making commitments, with doing big things in the world? If not, it’s time to get comfortable with discomfort (if the shoe pinches, it fits).

Control is an illusion.

When you are thinking small, you crave preordained outcomes. You want to know what’s going to happen before you begin. Control is an illusion. The need to know how, where, and what prevents all progress.

The twin demons of failure and rejection are mental illusions, the standard bearers of “excusitis.” They sap your will. They suck away your energy. Pressures exist. Deal with it.

To do big things in the world is dangerous and vital. Avoid control. Seek challenge. The more uncomfortable you are, the more challenged you are. Only then will you see the true liberation of breaking free from what you fear.

Every time you find an answer, you find a conflict with that answer.

When you seek to control something, it’s because you fear the unknown, the out of control. What you fear is reality, because ultimately it can never be controlled. The reality of reality is this: Every time you find an answer, so, too, you find a conflict with that answer. The closer you come to the core of a matter, of yourself even, the more you realize the contradictions in the world and in your own nature.

As you hone your commitment to fulfillment you will:

1. Improve and act on your intuition, which is your highest intelligence and derives from your place of truth. This is to up the visibility of your purpose, what you stand for. Such candor in turn will make you more accountable and increase the number of situations that make you uncomfortable. Ouch.
2. Improve your promises. When you think big, you promise to deliver a remarkable outcome. The pressure is on. Uncomfortable pressure. Ouch.
3. Take more risks, a lot more. It takes daring to invest in yourself and others, but it will bring you to that place of great discomfort faster, that place where you can accomplish big things. It’s too easy to live with the daily, small, inertial discomforts of avoiding your fears. Risk induces activity. Activity disperses fear and inertia. As a Japanese proverb says, “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”

Candor, promises, risks; at first it’s like a giant shot of wasabi—all that accountability, all that visibility. It’s going to sear your nostrils with every breath and make your scalp sweat—all the better (and if you have a head cold, presto, it will be gone, too). Once you’re thinking big, you will call like-minded people to action.

Rock the boat. Maybe it sinks. But maybe it doesn’t.

If you’d like to think bigger about who you are and what you offer the world, then just a small change in your choice of words may open up whole new worlds.

A number of years ago, while speaking with my teacher, I made a statement declaring, “Everybody’s like that.” My teacher replied, “Are they?” “Well…I guess…no, not really,” I stammered. He asked me if I would be open to observing my language for the use of generalities and declarative statements that were not empirically based. I agreed and was surprised by what I found.

You too, may be surprised by how often you use declarative statements that don’t allow room for alternatives or other possibilities.

Notice my choice of words in this post thus far. The above sentence leaves room for an alternative by suggesting that, “You might be surprised” rather than “You will be surprised.” Earlier I said that a “small change in your choice of words, may open up whole new worlds,” and that “the way you see the world can influence your language” and that “your language can also influence your perspective.”

You’ll often find declarative and general statements in the language of marketers, especially aggressive marketers. “This is the only thing you’ll ever need to learn and the only thing you’ll ever need to know and the only thing you’ll ever need to do…”

From the marketer’s perspective, that kind of language is often designed to close you off to the possibility that it might not be the right product for you and that it might, in fact, not help you. Sure, you’ll often see “may” and “should” used to reduce the marketer’s liability but, for the most part, marketers try to close off your thinking so that you focus only on what they are suggesting you buy into.

I imagine that you don’t care much for that kind of language when it’s directed at you. Although, you might love it, I don’t know. But, putting that aside for the moment, think about how your mind might react if all of the language you used included declarative statements.

If you emphatically declare, “All men are like that,” or “I can never trust again,” how are you going to create space in your mind, your perspective, for a man that does meet your expectations?

If you generalize that, “All rich people are snobs,” how are you going to see yourself as a wealthy person so that you can improve your professional and financial status?

If you state that “All liberals are socialists,” or that “All Tea Party members are crazies,” how do you come together to make things better?

Often these viewpoints are a reflection of something that scares us but even the simple, little things can make a difference. When you say something like, “You didn’t take out the trash,” the other person is immediately accused of doing something wrong. However, if you say, “It seems like you didn’t take out the trash. Am I correct?” you leave room for an alternative.

So does the way you see the world influence your choice of words or does your choice of words influence the way you see the world? I believe it’s both.

Often, it’s suggested that you simply change your actions to get better results. However, if your worldview doesn’t change to support the new actions, you may find it difficult to sustain the new actions. Moreover, it can be difficult to simply say, “Ok, as of today I’m going to see the world in a different way,” if your language doesn’t support the change.

If you’d like to quite smoking but every time you attempt the feat, you find yourself repeating, “I can’t get through the day without a cigarette,” how do you think it influences the way you see the world and the outcome of your effort? By making a slight change in your language to something like, “It’s been hard to get through the day without a cigarette,” leaves room for the possibility that it is doable.

If you’d like to lose weight but you consistently say things like, “Oh, I could never do without my chocolate fix,” how do you think it influences the way you see the world and your waistline? Instead, trying saying, “I am used to having a chocolate fix.” That slight change alone might open up the possibility that you can live without it.

If you want to build a business and hear yourself saying things like, “Marketing takes too much time,” or “Getting clients is just hard,” or “Every time I get a lead, ‘this’ happens,” how do you think it influences the way you see the world and influences the actions you take?

Using different language like, “I’ve found that when I get a lead this has been happening,” allows you to explore alternatives. Instead of generalizing that “marketing takes too much time,” saying, “I’ve found that marketing has taken me a lot of time,” might leave room for exploration. And, well, saying, “Getting clients is just hard,” doesn’t seem like it will help the situation, now does it?

I would venture a guess that you have made a declarative statement or two over the years. I know I have. I now do my best not to. But when I do, I try to catch myself and amend my statement.

Whether it’s on little things or big things, all generalities are false (including that one).

And just think about how your choice of words makes the world see you.

In the case of landscaper, he said things like:

• I don’t know who this dream guy is that you think is going to be better than me.
• How can you do this, I’ve always taken care of you like a brother.
• I’m offended because I always give you a special price.

Oy vey, the guilt was piled on a think as cream cheese on a bagel at Sunday brunch with a bunch of Jews (my family). I suppose I should mention that we did not know each other before he started working for me, didn’t socialize or even speak other than to discuss the work on my properties.

Has this ever happened to you?

You call up your contractor to let them know you will no longer be needing their services and, instead of a professional conversation about why you’re making the choice, you feel like you’re having a breakup conversation with your girlfriend or a family argument with your brother?

I bring up this issue because you’re a service professional and I don’t want you to make the same mistake as my landscaper. Please consider the following two points.

One

Using the bonds of familial relations to guilt your client into feeling poorly about their decision to stop working with you while also creating a false argument to defend the real reason they are dissatisfied with your service, is not going to “save the sale.” Moreover, it’s an adolescent way of being.

Two

It’s OK to become friends with your clients, to have personal conversations and even socialize outside of your work together. However, when having conversations about projects, prices or the continuation or discontinuation of services, remember that you are not their friend, boyfriend or brother. You work for them. Pure and simple. If they are unhappy with your services, you have two choices. One, you can try to fix the problem or two, you graciously let them go. Either way, you’ll find ways to improve your services and will likely stay friends.

Here’s a third and bonus point: If you do work with friends or family, giving them special deals and perks and they decide to let you go, nonetheless, the same hold true. Never mention that you did special things for them. If you’re going to hold that over their head, you shouldn’t have done those “favors” in the first place.

I once heard my friend Ben say, “Don’t lend money to friends if it will be a financial hardship for you if they don’t pay you back.” His point was, the good deeds you do don’t always get repaid so do them because it pleases you to help, not because you require reciprocation. Otherwise the relationship will come undone. And, you might even end up with a milkshake covered car.

Now, since I’ve been treating you like a paying client, even though you’re not, and this post took me two hours to write, not to mention that I gave you that third and bonus point to boot, I expect you to share this post with everyone you know.  If you don’t, I’ll huff and I’ll puff and never write another post or book for you for as long as I live. So there!

Thinking small is no longer an alternative. Fatalistic thinking has never worked. It’s killing us—our society, our environment, our dreams. I think we need to deal with it.

We live in the world. We need to understand it. More—our world needs us. Sometimes thinking big means facing up to some harsh realities, like the cost of thinking small. Let’s start with a few reminders. It might not be pretty.

Throughout history, small thoughts have stood in opposition to big thoughts.

• The church reviled Galileo. The earth is flat, right?
• Darwin was disbelieved in his time. We couldn’t possibly be descended from apes, could we?
• Slave owners fought to the death to prevent abolition (don’t get me started on sex trafficking).
• Men did not let women vote (still the case in many parts of the world).
• Jazz was deemed illicit.
• Someone tried to kill the electric car (many are still trying).
• Books (and sometimes even the publishers’ offices) continue to be burned. Writers are incarcerated.
• We are poisoning our environment, but we keep on guzzling gas, consuming stuff, stuff, and more stuff and piling up trash.
• Endless wars are waged because nobody wants to let go of their hatred and moral posturing long enough to enable peace.

We are up against a society controlled by people and institutions who generally think small.

• The corporation that seeks to control and manipulate what you think, what you buy, what you believe.
• The friend who tells you not to be too big for your britches.
• The husband who dominates his wife and makes her feel irrelevant.
• The teacher who tells you there is only one way to do something.
• The television network who wants to dumb you down.
• The news media who want to tell you lies and answer no questions.
• The self-help guru who tells you to face death to really live (and people actually die).

Albert Einstein once said:

“Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices, but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence and fulfills the duty to express the results of his thought in clear form.”

Express yourself. Be bold. Take risks. Stand for something. Think big.

Revolution is about one person at a time experiencing their own personal empowerment against an existing, deficient (small thinking) system.

The deficient system may be something as big as a whole political system, or more local, like the system of a family, job, or relationship structure. It may just be the way you think about yourself and your capabilities.

Any revolution, global, local, or personal, is about being fully self-expressed in the face of all the forces that conspire to pacify your drive, your hunger to be the most you can be.

At first, others may not even know about your revolution. It starts inside you. And that’s how it should be. This is your revolution—to think bigger about yourself and what you are capable of.

Yet it is inevitable that your transformation will set an example for others. The rest is organic. As people experience personal revolutions, they will join with others to bring about bigger, more sweeping changes.

Although your revolution will start with you changing the way you think, yours in not just a revolution about individual thinking and personal success (though you will achieve more than you imagined possible when you start thinking big); yours is a revolution that will bring us together to achieve something even bigger—the changes we need to make a better world.